Numb
by lil noir neko
Summary: His hands were not covered in red but they might as well be. It was his fault, all his fault. ONESHOT


**Hey guys, here is another one shot for Martin Mystery. It's has a lot of angst in it, at least in my opinion. In any case I hope you enjoy this particular piece and if you cry easy then I hope you have a box of tissue ready. So, I hope you like this though it is a bit sad.**

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**Numb **

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The blonde stumbled into his room and collapsed onto the soft bed. Warmth surrounded his body and he fell into an exhausted sleep. His face was twisted in a painful expression and his body was constantly twisting and turning as if trapped in a terrible nightmare. With a gasp his body shot up and a whimper escaped the blondes lips.

Instinct told him that he was safe and warm but where he was didn't register. His mind was foggy and he was vaguely aware that someone was trying to push back onto the bed. He didn't fight the touch and felt the pillow under his head again. He was numb, painfully so. He wanted to move but felt that if he did something terrible would happen. Voices were buzzing around him, blending together so that the words spoken could not be understood. He was numb, so numb.

Why wouldn't his body respond anymore? Why didn't his voice spill out of his mouth? Who was talking? Questions plagued his mind and he couldn't focus on anything. He felt heavy, so heavy. His eyes were falling shut again and sleep was taking over again. He didn't want to sleep knowing that he would see something terrible. He fought to keep in control but it was slipping, pulling him into the dark recesses of his thoughts.

_There he was watching as a shadow was thrown into the wall. Sickening sounds of bones breaking could be heard as they hit the wall. **Crack**. The second shadow was thrown into the wall and a sea of red spewed out from said shadow. The red liquid never reached him and instead he felt his own sea of red come out of his body as he hit the floor. His hands were covered in the sticky liquid but he felt nothing. His pupils dilated and the brown of his eyes took over. Red was dripping on him, lots of red. Teeth, sharp teeth were dripping red from the liquid that came from the shadows. "AHH!" It was there's and he knew he should have protected them better. No. Not them! He felt the world spin and suddenly he was pulled into a dark hole were he was falling. _

Brown eyes opened and the teen sat up in shock. Pain spread through his body as he tried to catch his breath between gasps of pain. His mind was spinning again and the pain was unbearable. His hands were not covered in red but they might as well be. It was his fault, all his fault. He struggled to breath and felt something wet drip at his side. Looking down he saw red but it was coming from him. White bandages covered his stomach; he ripped them off. There was a cut, long and wide at his side. Blood continued to pool out into he felt hands press something over the fitting wound. He deserved it.

Bandages were once again around the wound and the sheets had been changed. Had he slipped into a state emptiness, where nothing existed. No, how he wished that. He was here again, safe and warm surrounded by white, lots of white. There was too much white, where was the dark red he deserved to see?

His eyes focused at the figure entering the room. They were dressed in white the only thing standing out on the figure was dark purple eyes and jet-black hair. She smiled but it changed to a frown quickly. He was aware of her presence and she knew it. He could pretend but that probably wouldn't work. She didn't say a word with her voice but her eyes spoke volumes. They were warm and caring, something he didn't deserve. He turned away; he didn't want to see those eyes.

"I know you're upset." He didn't respond, he couldn't…wouldn't. What could he say? "They're okay." It was a lie. "Both of them are resting. You're thinking this is your fault aren't you?" Still he wouldn't answer because it was his fault. It wasn't a question that needed to be answered. Why didn't she hate him? Why wouldn't she hate him? She should yell and scream. She should fire him. She should shout hateful things about him, things that were true but she didn't.

He was confused, angry and sad all at the same time. He failed the mission but more importantly he failed his family, his friends and his team. He couldn't save them as hard as he tried he couldn't save them. Warm hands ran through wild blonde hair and he was pulled slowly up. He wanted to break free, to fight what was coming. He couldn't. He face was buried into a shoulder but he wouldn't hug back. He didn't deserve to be held while the others suffered because he couldn't do his job.

"It's not your fault." There was that lie again, false words of reassurance. They were supposed to lull him into a false sense of hope. They were supposed to make his walls crumble and have him let out all those emotions he deserved to have. Words that wanted to make him to cry and release him from fault, his own failure. He would no crumble and he would not break. He didn't deserve to be happy, not when two of his most cherished people lay injured because of him.

"It's not your fault. You did your job." He tried to push away from her but she wouldn't let him go. Why was she being so kind? She wasn't normally this gentle and kind. "It's always hard the first time, when blood is shed." She was lying! She had to be lying! "I blamed myself too." She was lying! Her hold on him grew tighter and the walls he wanted to last forever to prolong his torment were crumbling. His defenses were breaking and he didn't want that.

"You're wrong." His voice was scratchy and his hands fisted against the white cloth on her shoulders. "You're wrong!" He cried again with brown eyes heavy with guilt. "I could have saved them! They shouldn't have been hurt! No one should have been hurt!" His voice was cracking with emotion that he wasn't supposed to let out. "They shouldn't have been hurt!"

"That's what I told myself when it happened. You can't protect everyone all the time." He felt his shoulders shake. He had to suppress the sobs that wanted to take over. "You saved them without knowing it."

"They got hurt! How did I save them?" Sobs, no longer was he numb as the sobs came and the tears started to fall down a pale cheek.

"You stopped them from getting a serious wound. You took the damage that could have killed them." He couldn't stop the tears the fell from his eyes. The dark eyed women smiled, "You wont be hated even if you want us to."

"Why?" his voice was small like that of a broken child.

"You don't need me to answer that now do you?" He held tighter as tears of anger, sadness and guilt poured out. He was confessing his soul and he couldn't stop. "We care about you. They're fine and you will be too."

"No I won't."

"Yes you will, trust me." The tears had stopped and he was tired, so tired and numb. He felt raw as his emotions seeped out in tears. His eyes felt heavy but now he felt that even if this feeling never went away he would always protect them. "Get some rest Martin. You can see Diana and Java when you wake up." The blonde opened his eyes and grabbed the women's wrist.

"Thank you." He muttered. His eyes closed and he fell into a dreamless sleep. The woman smiled at the green alien floating in front of her.

"M.O.M the mission report is on your desk." Dark purple eyes smiled as she walked to her office to finish up the paper work.

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**Fin**

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**I'm not sure if I'll do a follow up on this yet because I think it's fine just as a one shot. Sorry it's taken me so long to come up with another story but I've had a major problem with writers block that got cure tonight, well, this morning. I've been writing this from 12 pm to 2:14 am. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this. **


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